My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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