Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
