What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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