God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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