But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
