I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
