battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across