I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will pee on everything he values.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
