My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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