we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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