I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
how does that bad decision feel?
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