If i come over, it means nothing
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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