His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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