The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
