I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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