And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
