Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
