in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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