i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
