I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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