I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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