I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
