i don't like sucking hair
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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