I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
