Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
