It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
