pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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