One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
