I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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