he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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