but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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