I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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