TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Houston, we have a blender
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
