I murdered the dance floor call the cops
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
