So drunk its hurt
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my moral compass just broke
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