he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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