We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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