so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
