I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
