the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
