Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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