you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
