I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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