So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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