This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.