i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong