Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.