Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (608) Bad night (1860)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
  Replies (22) Good night (1547) Bad night (3703)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.

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  (716): i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy. http://tfl.nu/q9at
  Replies (76) Good night (3504) Bad night (1931)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...

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  (502): i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is... http://tfl.nu/n91t
  Replies (40) Good night (4316) Bad night (624)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

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  (480): Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles. http://tfl.nu/jmsm
  Replies (32) Good night (15074) Bad night (743)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

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  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8485) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest

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  (401): i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest http://tfl.nu/hnl6
  Replies (9) Good night (1077) Bad night (3897)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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  (570): I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2dei
  Replies (8) Good night (3072) Bad night (1519)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.

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  (720): Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated. http://tfl.nu/fo7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1450) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

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  (306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874
  Replies (6) Good night (2800) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.

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  (+61): That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him. http://tfl.nu/ztsm
  Replies (4) Good night (1420) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.

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  (517): I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT. http://tfl.nu/j08n
  Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"

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  (608): It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy" http://tfl.nu/jtam
  Replies (0) Good night (593) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.

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  (727): I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry. http://tfl.nu/459t
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (146)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.

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  (203): I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food. http://tfl.nu/xhm6
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (286)

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