She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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