direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.