Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Please, let me fuck your mom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic