The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.