there's paper in my vomit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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