My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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