So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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