We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
