I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
